B Cycle – 2^nd Sunday of Easter 24

Jn. 20:19-31

How many times have you heard Thomas called “doubting Thomas?”  If we were honest, we would have to admit every disciple in that room had doubts.  We can hear that doubt in the words expressed by disciples on the road to Emmaus when they said, “we had hoped, he was the one to redeem Israel” (Lk.24:21). Not only did the disciples have doubts, they also completely misunderstood the mission of the Messiah.  They expected the Messiah to be a warrior king in the fashion of King David, freeing them from the occupying Romans. 

The disciples in that upper room were huddled together fearful for their own lives, confused about the empty tomb and how their future without Him guiding them. What Jesus had told them about His rising never registered because their concept of the Messiah was fixed in their minds.  That alone should make us question our own concept of God’s plan for our salvation.  How does our own sinfulness and failures impact our image of God and His mercy?  How has our faith been formed? 

Our parents are the first teachers of faith, and they teach us about the goodness of God, the love of God and the faithfulness of God.  They may have read children’s bible stories to us and tell relevant stories to help us understand the stories. They taught us basic prayers and prayed with us each night. Around the age of five or six they would have enrolled us in a Catholic school or in a PSR program where we learn the basic tenants of our faith. As we continue to grow as we do continue learning about our faith, receive the sacraments and participate in the Eucharistic celebration. 

During those years we form an image of God and begin to form a relationship with God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit and discover how essential they are in our lives. We eventually find a comfortable place where we fit them into our lives rather than us conforming to God’s plan for our life. 

This gospel passage we heard today should awaken us to the reality of how we need to be challenged by Christ to and to interact with Him when He is among us.  We need to respond to the challenge of Christ and acknowledge Him as Our Lord and our God.

At that moment when their faith in Him is at its lowest point, Jesus appears to them. He is alive! He speaks to them and offers them the Holy Spirit.  Imagine their shock at what they are seeing and experiencing.  He says to them, “peace be with you.”  Offering them peace to replace their anxiety, certainty to remove their confusion, and hope instead of despair. 

Fr. Cantalamessa in his book “The Mystery of Pentecost” tells us this breathing of the Holy Spirit upon them is the catalyst for an interior conversion. The work of the Spirit creating within them a desire to become who they were created to be. To become bold witnesses of God’s mercy, to minister God’s grace to those who have lost hope.  To allow the Spirit to prepare them to grasp all the teachings of Jesus and to begin to advance the Kingdom of God. To grasp the meanings of the prophesies and promises of God and to proclaim the good news. To grasp the reality of God’s love and His plan for everyone to become bold witnesses and disciples. 

That initial work of the Spirit is available to us. To create within us a desire to encounter Jesus. To touch Him, feel Him, and more importantly to realize how our own doubt can be overcome.  Contacting Jesus helps us realize our sin does not define us because He has overcome our sin.  That our brokenness is not a barrier for God will heal that brokenness.  That growing desire initiated by the Spirit should help us discern the promptings of the Spirit who is guiding us to allow ourselves to be molded by the hand of God.

Acknowledging that fact is the hardest part of our faith journey because we have been in control of how we live our faith each day.  Jesus is asking us to follow Him and for us to do that we must admit we are currently living our faith on our terms not God’s. 

It took me a long time to discover how important this internal conversion by the Holy Spirit must happen in my life.  Growing up in the Pre-Vatican II Church, I never heard a homily about God’s love. Instead, I heard how sinful I was and how displeased God with my sin.  I grew up fearing God and never felt worthy of His love.  All that changed when Anne and I as a newly married couple moved to Charlotte, N.C. and joined St. Ann’s Parish as the Vatican II reforms were implemented.  It was there I witnessed a congregation worshipping and expressing their joy because God loved them. I knew instantly my faith was deficient, and I wanted what they had.

That led me to get involved by volunteering my time.  I counted the offering twice per month, joined the maintenance volunteers, ushered, volunteered for any job during social events.  I was an active parishioner but that did nothing to change how I related to God.  But that desire to encounter God grew stronger within me. I needed to feel God’s presence.  What I was doing helped me form a sense of belonging within the community.  But it also left me floundering because there was a void in my faith.   

Ten years and two moves later we were living in Vermont.  I was still active and now a member of the Parish Council, a lector, a Eucharistic Minister, on the finance council as well as many other things for the parish of Sacred Heart.  It was at this point, I realized I needed to do what Thomas did. Acknowledge Jesus and voice my belief in what His death achieved for me.  Alone I spent a day sitting on a rocky outcropping in the mountains talking and listening to God.  At sundown, I said yes to Jesus and like Thomas felt the fullness of Him before me.  It was a powerful experience that filled me with hope and yet with uncertainty. 

To encounter more of God, I began reading the scriptures and developed a daily prayer life. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to change my heart (which God promised the Spirit would accomplish within us).   One year later during the Eucharist, I felt the embrace of the Father and experienced a prodigal son moment, and that experience remains with me today. 

It was then that my pastor spoke to me about the diaconate and encouraged me to pursue it.  His discernment was right, but God knew I needed more spiritual growth my life and the next twenty years were spent in growing to become a better husband, father, employee, friend, and disciple.  Each time I though about the diaconate God said not yet until after I arrived here in Brecksville, Ohio. I was ordained in 1998 and I am filled with gratitude for the way this parish embraced me, encouraged me, and how many of you trusted me with your secrets and came to me for counseling and guidance or attended one of the spiritual growth programs I presented.  

Over the past year, during my personal prayer, God has been speaking to me about taking another step.  After speaking to my Spiritual Director and Fr. Ryan I am going to focus on where my gifts have been most effective over the past twenty six years.  I will be stepping away from the Liturgical Ministry – meaning those activities associated with Liturgy.  I will continue to provide spiritual direction, provide prayer and counselling for individuals and couples, continue my homiletic blog (now 9 years since it began), and offer programs to assist you in your spiritual growth.   

Please do not let the inclusion of my own challenge to distract from the message of doubting Thomas . It is not just a story about him. It is a wake up call inviting you to experience the presence of Jesus in your life.